I've written a lot of poetry in Swedish but never in English so I thought I would give it a try. I believe it's a great challenge to express yourself in a good way in a language that you don't quite get when you are used to form your poems a certain way in Swedish. Maybe it’s worthless reading but I’ll try to make it worth the while, enjoy!
Memories
Our memories,
become long lost fairytales.
Drowning us in the tears
the world sacrifised for us.
The endings,
rewritten in the depts of our hearts.
To make it bareable.
We close our eyes,
hope and believe that is changed something.
Obstacles,
Morals,
And all the characters in our lives.
We cover our eyes
convinced that we can see all the things
invisible for our eyes.
But in reality,
we never se the cliff
before were hanging on to it by our fingertips.
Life
Yesterday,
We lived, loved and laughed.
Happily unknowing about the fineprints of life.
We painted butterflies, birds and flowers on the wall
to drive evil away.
Today,
We cough blood
brush gravel of our clothes,
all in hopes of waking up tomorrow, realising it's a dream
and that our special star shines just as bright as our heroes.
Tomorrow,
We declare war against life and paints the skies red with all the colours in the scale.
Laying underneath our bed with our fists demonstrating our frustration,
praying to the gods we know doesn't exist
to forget the sins we never comitted.
Well, what to say.... Honestly, I think that English is a really good language for more or less any kind of writing, but especially poetry. Simply because there are so many more words to use. I wouldn't call myself an expert on the matter, but I really do like what you've written, for what it's worth... There are a few language mistakes, but I won't correct them if you don't want me to. Like you said - poetry is writing in its most uncontrolled form and, unless invited, not to be altered by its readers.
SvaraRadera